


i don't wanna be an island, i just wanna feel alive (and get to see your face again)

by fadinglight123



Series: Fives Week 2020 [2]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008) - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Gen, Grief/Mourning, I cried while writing this, fives mourning and his brothers holding him through it, the major character death is echo's
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-08
Updated: 2020-06-08
Packaged: 2021-03-03 22:48:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,642
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24603412
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fadinglight123/pseuds/fadinglight123
Summary: Day 2- FamilyEcho wasn’t going to be there to comfort him this time. Echo wouldn’t be there ever again.It was just Fives now.The last Domino standing....He wouldn’t break now. He couldn’t break now.If he broke now, there would be no one to put him back together. He’d never be whole again. He was already cracking and he couldn’t afford to break, he had to keep going, for Echo and Longshot and Charger and HevyDroidbaitCutup all the clones that had been lost before, but if he broke now he wouldn’t be able to go on---In the wake of the disastrous rescue at Lola Sayu, Fives mourns. His brothers try to hold him through it.
Relationships: CT-21-0408 | Echo & CT-27-5555 | Fives | ARC-5555, CT-27-5555 | Fives | ARC-5555 & CT-5597 | Jesse, CT-27-5555 | Fives | ARC-5555 & CT-6116 | Kix, CT-27-5555 | Fives | ARC-5555 & CT-7567 | Rex
Series: Fives Week 2020 [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1774357
Comments: 14
Kudos: 58
Collections: Fives Week 2k20





	i don't wanna be an island, i just wanna feel alive (and get to see your face again)

**Author's Note:**

> I'm just gonna apologize in advance for this one...
> 
> Title from Echo by Jason Walker. I’m not sorry.
> 
> Mando'a translation in the end note.

All his life, Fives had never been alone. 

Really, this was true for every clone. They were all brought up in tight quarters, sharing everything with millions of other brothers on Kamino. They died on the battlefield surrounded by their brothers. Loneliness was not a concept clones normally experienced or understood. 

And it was especially true for Fives. He’d had someone by his side from the very beginning. Even before he was decanted, he’d had the steady presence of Echo. He may not remember his earliest moments and years, but for as far back as he _could_ remember, it had been one of those unshakable truths: _the Jedi are a strange lot of people, the Separatists and Republic are at war, and Fives will always be with Echo._

Every step of the way, they’d been together. Decanted from the same tube, a rare case of clone twins. Side-by-side through their cadet cycles, training on Kamino, their first assignments after graduating. Every step of the way, he’d had Echo, his longest and truest friend. They’d survived losing the rest of their batchmates together. Survived the assault on Kamino and 99’s death. Gone through the hell that was ARC training together. It had felt like he’d always have him by his side, like whatever hell the war threw at them, they’d get through it if they did it together. 

He should have known it was a foolish thought. 

War isn’t kind. It doesn’t care about its victims. It doesn’t care about the families it rips apart. And it certainly doesn’t care about those it leaves behind. 

He’d seen it happen so many times. After every battle, he’d seen the troopers who’d lost their friends. It was practically unheard of for a squad that came up through Kamino together to still be together. In all the battalions he’d been stationed with outside the 501st, he’d found maybe 3 or 4 squads that were mostly intact from when they’d first been formed. For a squad to suffer no casualties for longer than a month or two was practically unheard of. He and Echo were a rarity, twins who were both still alive and together. 

He should have known it wouldn’t last forever. 

Lola Sayu was...it was a disaster from start to finish. So much went wrong. Of the squad that went in, so few made it out. And they died for nothing, the Jedi General they went in to rescue dying on the way out. _His brothers had died and for what, it was for nothing and one of them was- was..._

Fives knew he wasn’t the only person to lose someone on that mission. He knew that. But Echo...Echo wasn’t just his squadmate. He wasn’t just his brother. Echo was…

Fives had never been alone before. Not once in his entire life. Every training exercise, every sim, every mission, he’d had his twin by his side. 

Now, he was sitting on his bunk in _The Dominator’s_ ARC barracks. He couldn’t tear his eyes away from the empty bunk across from his. It had never been empty while Fives was there before. Now, its owner would never sleep there again. 

Fives was alone. 

His twin was gone.

_Echo_ was-

It took him a moment to realize that the horrible whimpering noise he’d been hearing was coming from him. 

Fives buried his face in his hands, sucking in several ragged breaths, doing his best to calm down. Normally it was a lot easier. Normally, he’d barely start to whimper before Echo would be-

_Stop._

Echo wasn’t going to be there to comfort him this time. Echo wouldn’t be there ever again.

It was just Fives now. 

The last Domino standing. 

Fives surged to his feet with a broken snarl, beginning to pace around the room. He viciously pressed his thumbs against his eyes, refusing to let the tears fall. 

He wouldn’t break now. He _couldn’t_ break now. 

If he broke now, there would be no one to put him back together. He’d never be whole again. He was already cracking and he couldn’t _afford_ to break, he had to keep going, for Echo and Longshot and Charger and HevyDroidbaitCutup _all_ the clones that had been lost before, but if he broke now he wouldn’t be able to go on and-

He froze in the middle of the room, sucking in a sharp breath. His eyes were locked on the back corner. The memory took him in an instant.

* * *

_When he and Echo had first completed ARC training, their first assignment was back with Torrent. They’d arrived on The Dominator and been shown to the barracks that would be their home anytime they were stationed with the 501st in the future._

_That first night, they both lay awake for hours, unable to sleep._

_Finally, Echo had broken the heavy silence between them._

_“I miss them.” There was no need to elaborate on who he was referring to._

_“Me too,” Fives had whispered back._

_Silence fell again for a long minute._

_“They should have been here with us. We should have all been ARCs together,” Fives whispered fiercely, closing his eyes against the grief that suddenly threatens to overwhelm him._

_He’d thought he’d finished mourning their lost brothers. That he’d cried as many tears as he could spill for them. But lying in his bunk with only Echo beside him, the ghosts of the lost hovering with an absence so strong he could practically feel them...it was ripping open a wound that had only just begun to scar._

_In a flash, he felt Echo’s arms wrap around him and he quickly returned the embrace. They sat together, holding one another through the grief. They fell asleep like that, curled around each other for the first time in a long time._

_In the morning, they’d gone and found some of the blue paint the legion always had on hand. Returning to their barracks, they’d carefully painted a small corner of the room. Their own private memorial to their fallen family. Droidbait, Cutup, and Hevy never had the chance to join the 501st. They weren’t on Torrent’s memorial wall. But they had a place now, on the corner they’d claimed for Domino Squad’s memorial._

* * *

Fives could do nothing to stop the awful wail of grief that welled up from his throat as he sunk to his knees before the wall. He reached out, placing his hand against the wall, desperately feeling over the names of his other three brothers. His hand paused on the blank spaces left beneath them. When they’d painted the wall, he and Echo had left enough space for two more names. They never spoke about it. Fives had always thought...if their names ever joined their brothers, they’d join them at the same time. That maybe one of his other brothers would find the memorial and know what it meant. Add his and Echo’s names to stand and be remembered alongside their batchmates in their absence. But now…

He couldn’t fight the sobs anymore. He curled in on himself as they wracked his body, the truth finally washing over him: 

_He was alone._

_Echo was dead._

_He was already broken._

Distantly, he heard the sound of someone knocking on the barrack door. The whir of it opening. Soft footsteps padding over to him. His name being called by a soft, distant voice. 

Eventually, Fives came back to himself enough to make out Kix’s soothing voice, feel his hand resting gently on his shoulder. He turned around to look up. Sure enough, he could see the medic’s concerned face through his blurry vision. Hovering a little behind him, he could see Jesse, wringing his hands. Even through the tears, Fives could make out the heartache on the scout’s face. And standing next to Jesse, watching Fives with a look of shared grief and understanding, was Rex. 

“Hey, _vod,”_ Kix said quietly.

_“I-”_ Fives couldn’t get more than a word out before the sobs started again. He looked away, unable to face his brothers. 

Instantly, he felt the other three press in against him, offering comfort. He could only curl into their arms and sob as the grief crashed into him full-force. His brothers’ arms never faltered, holding him together as he shook apart in their arms. 

He could barely make out the comfort they whispered into his ear. 

“There you go, _Ray’ika,_ it’s alright, let it out now. Let it out.” 

“We’ve got you, _vod’ika._ We’ve got you. We’re here.” 

“You aren’t alone, you hear me, Fives? You will never be alone.” 

He buried his face in Rex’s shoulder and sobbed, gasping for breath while his _ori’vod_ rocked him gently. Kix hummed quietly, rubbing his back. Jesse was pressed against his side, his arms warm and tight as he hugged him fiercely. 

Slowly, Fives let them rock him to sleep, safe and warm in their arms. They’d stay there all night, hugging their little brother between them. 

* * *

Later, all of Torrent would be at his back, hands reaching out to offer quiet support as he added Echo’s name and handprint to the memorial wall. Rex, Kix and Jesse would be by his side as he painstakingly added Echo to the Domino Squad memorial, curling around him when he broke down in tears again. They’d add their voices in support as Fives shakily made his way through his first Remembrance without Echo, his voice breaking on the Mando’a prayer. _Ni su'cuyi, gar kyr'adyc, ni partayli, gar darasuum…_

It was still like drowning some days, trying to breathe through the grief of the loss. The empty space at his shoulder ached like a phantom limb. 

But he pushed on, the rest of his brothers at his back. He would endure. And in the meantime, he’d have faith that one day, he and his twin would be reunited.

  
  


**Author's Note:**

> {Mando'a Translations}
> 
> vod- brother  
> Ray’ika- diminutive form of Rayshe'a, meaning five; used as an affectionate nickname for Fives  
> vod'ika- little brother  
> ori'vod- big brother  
> Ni su'cuyi, gar kyr'adyc, ni partayli, gar darasuum- daily remembrance of those passed on; "I'm still alive, but you are dead. I remember you, so you are eternal." followed by repetition of loved ones' names
> 
> I'm fadinglight123 on tumblr, come cry about the clones with me.


End file.
